WHISPERS..

Because nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24th June 2009, Tuesday.

11.34 pm.

I met a boy once. He was kind, sweet and good with his words. He struck me as someone who was independent, mature, and loving to an extent. He was intelligent and witty, sarcastic and funny, thoughtful and kind.

He told me, I was his perfect woman. I found that rather hard to believe - but after a while, I wanted to believe it too.

Just as I finally wholeheartedly believed him...he left. He disappeared. He told me, he doesn't feel the same way anymore. It won't work.

So...my question, for a long time, was....why did you even ask me in the first place? I was angry, and then sad, and then hurt, and then angry again. The normal cycle. But for something that never materialised, something that ended before it even begin? Yea..I was. And then, one day, I had a lightbulb moment. Something just snapped inside me, and I stopped feeling all the negativity.

When I look back at it now, I just smile. Its a sad smile. He was a nice guy. But nice guys don't always stay that way, do they? He has a gift, you know. He captures the most beautiful moments of life in the most amazing ways - he can do that. He does that well.

I learnt to appreciate the world around me through him..through that gift. Of course, he doesn't know. Why would he want to in the first place, right? But he was a good friend. And I suppose, in some sad way, I miss that. I don't miss the feelings and emotions that I felt when he was first around, but I miss that friend in him.

Things will never be the same. It can never be. I tried to see if it could, but its rather obvious that it won't..and maybe, its for the best.

I understand that its all part of the circle of life...there must have been some karmic debt that was left unsettled between us. There must have been something for him to teach me. There's always a reason.

The one reason I believe in, is so that I will become a stronger person. It's His way of polishing this diamond, to shine as bright and as true as always.

I wish you all the love, joy and happiness life has to offer. I pray that you achieve all that you have dreamed of, and beyond that. And I will remember, the days we were good friends and just that, because those were the days I would want to cherish, always and always.

God bless you always. May the gift He has blessed you with take you to many places, beyond borders.

When He protects in all ways.

Thursday, 18th June 2009.

11.55am.

So I lost my 'road virginity' when I was 21, in a brief but rather painful accident near the Sunway toll late one evening during rush hour, as I was leaving college for home. Since then, I never had anymore of those. Till Monday.

11.45 pm, Monday 15th June 2009

I've just dropped Haanu off at Desa Petaling, and I'm driving back on the Seremban highway. The turning to Kesas approaches, and I take a left, following the rather huge curving road. There, in front of me I see a taxi reversing (on the freaking highway?), at an alarming speed.

The car in front of me swerves to the left right in my path and slams his breaks. I slowed down rather quickly, honking and cursing (to a certain extent) at the stupidity of some drivers.

And thats when I hear a loud screeching sound from behind, and before I know it the Honda Civic behind me had rammed right into the back of my car. A split second later, I hear glass shattering, and despite wearing a seatbelt, my body jerks in front and hits the steering wheel. The impact of the Honda caused my little blue Kelisa to skid a good distance to the front, nearly (almost, like 2 inches away) hitting right into the divider, beyond which was nothing but a slope.

Then the car stops. I still have my hands on the wheels, and my feet on the brakes. And I'm shaking, too stunned and shocked. Immediately, I hit the hazard lights, take a deep breath, and get down, not really knowing what to expect.

I literally put on a brave front, because I was still quite shocked from that whole 5 second experience,and walk to take a look at the back of the car.

And the damage was nothing like the impact at all! The bumper had fallen, the booth was dented and damaged, and the paint was scraped. And that was it.

I walked to the front, to take a look at the damage there...nothing. But what scared me more was the minimal distance the car was from the divider and the slope. One more nudge and I would have been in that ditch.

The driver in the car behind me gets down, and walks up to me. He's drunk. Before I could say anything, he just says " I'm so sorry. Please bring your car to this workshop tomorrow. I will pay for everything. I'm very sorry."

You should have seen the surprise on my face again.

I sorted things out with him, and drove home slowly to avoid my bumper from hitting the back wheels. And I couldn't help thinking, the impact of that car on mine was definitely capable of causing a hell of a lot more damage than what I saw. How on earth did it turn out to be so minimal?

Then I started to think about so many other possibilities. What if it had been a 'planned' accident? I hear about things like this all the time. What was I thinking getting out of the car on my own like that? What if the car had actually gone down that slope?

I don't know how to explain things like this,but I know that night an unseen Hand was definitely protecting me from something worse.

I make a quick call to Suhu anne, and he tells me to pick him up tomorrow before heading to the workshop.

10.30 am, Tuesday 16th June 2009

"Hello, this is Darshana's brother here. How do we get to this workshop?"

That was Suhu anne talking to the driver of the Honda. When he said that, I couldn't help but smile, feeling this surge of love in my heart.

Today I was reminded once again how lucky I am to have brothers like these guys. Suhu anne and Sai G anne took time off from work just to follow me to the workshop, and sort things out with the driver yesterday.

They spoke to the workshop guys, to the driver, and made sure all the damage was covered. They made sure I had lunch (with all the teasing and irritation about putting on weight), and they stayed throughout the afternoon.

They say that souls are born collectively together life after life, time after time. Sometimes I wonder where this band of brothers came from, and how I found myself bonded to them for life. They tease me, annoy me, irritate me (and this works both ways), but I still love them, regardless.

To my brothers,

When I playfully say I love you, you brush it away, probably annoyed and sometimes embaressed by the open display of affection.
However, please know that I mean it with all my heart, and always will regardless of time.
You've made me laugh, you've made me smile, you've even turn the tears into happiness.
You've shared some thoughts and wise words, also some that were stern and harsh for my own good.
But it's all these that have helped me become all that I am today.
Without your love, and your guidance I would be lost, I'm sure of that.

You are my greatest manifestation of Love from Swami. And I love you all, with all that I have.

From the concourse of Great Eastern Mall.

Friday, 5th June 2009.
6.22 pm.

Its Environment Week, and I'm at a week long Go Green campaign at Great Eastern Mall, Jalan Ampang.

Its surprising how multi tasking has never been something I could do well, and it surprises me even more when I am forced to multi task in times when I have to be at two places at once.

So here I am, sitting at GE Mall at our organisation's booth, talking to shoppers who stop by to enquire about the environment, and at the same time finishing up some urgent work at the office which requires my immediate attention.

Funny how you work better under intense pressure.

Over the past few days, I've met so many different characters, its quite amusing to a certain extent, and also lets you think about human relations and interactions more.

Since I now know so many insurance agents from Great Eastern, thanks to the freelance emceeing I do for their dinners and seminars, I managed to talk a substantial number of them to drop by our booth. Even before I start talking about what we do, they swipe out RM1o and pass it to me, saying its their contribution for the Adopt A Tree campaign. Without asking questions. Needless to say, many of them dropped by and did that just to show support for me, and not really asking much questions about the cause.

I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.

And then, the urban stay-at-home moms, all dolled up for a day out at the mall with their young children. They walk around, but stop and listen attentively at every booth, and even inquire with concern about the condition of water in their homes. One mom actually came back the next day with a water sample from her home so she could do a water test for impurities and discharge from toxic wastes!

Of course, you have the sceptics. The most common statement and remarks I've heard from these guys are " So why are the NGOs doing all the work? What about the Government?"

I refrain to comment. However, as surprising as it may sound, the government does actually do quite a substantial amount of conservation and preservaton of our environment. But that discussion is for another day.

Then there are the GE Insurance Agents who stop by just to see if they can recruit new agents. Funny how the conversation starts off with the state of the environment today, why we end up working with NGOs, and how we should be working for ourselves because then we can earn tons of money. Hmmm.

I have a pretty wide circle of friends in the industry now, and I'm happy to say that once they know I'm not interested, they don't ask again.

Of course, there are the genuinely concerned ones who really want to know what is happening to the world, why climate change is so alarming, and how they can help to restore rivers, wetlands and peatlands. One kind soul even brought back more of her friends just so they could adopt trees in the forest.

Occasionally I get one or two who stop by to ask all about what we do, but after explaining, the conversation is all about how their day was, and how frustrated they are with kids nowadays who care less about elders, environment and manners. I end up listening to them, empathising and thinking....she probably just needed someone to listen for a while.

With that said, it has been one long learning experience. Besides being able to spend time to get to know our interns Mi Ling and Ellie better, I also got to meet new friends from WWF, and the charming host/emcee for the campaign, Amir.

I shall now count the balance I have in my wallet, and pray 730pm arrives sooner than expected.

Over and out.

Family bloopers

Sunday, 24th May 2009.
9.02 pm.

Blooper 1

* I'm sitting on the couch at home with the laptop on. Papa walks across, sits on the other couch, and accidentally drops the remote on the floor. We hear a loud crrraaassshh.

Papa : Aaaaaah!! (sounds like as if he dropped gold or something).
Amma : Aiyooo!! (sounds like someone fell of the balcony).
Darshi : aiyo, its just the remote la.
Papa (looking at Amma) : Why you scream so loud?
Amma (looks at Papa with annoyance) : Because the sky is so high!

*Silence. And then I burst out laughing.

Blooper 2

* I'm at Thana anne's house having dinner. My 3 year old niece, Priyankka runs up to me, dragging her stuffed dog. She's tied a ribbon around its neck.

Priyankka : Akka , look. Its my new dog. His name is Drownie. He's nice, he won't bite.
Me : Really? He's so sweet. Can I pat him?
Priyankka : Ya you can. See, he is a good dog. He won't even bark.
Me : That's nice. What is his name darling? Drownie? or Brownie?
Priyankka : (gives me that aiyo-you're-so-slow look) Its DROWNIE! Drownie.
Me : Is that spelt with a D or a B?
Priyankka : Aiyo Darshi akka, its B!
Me : How do you spell his name?
Priyankka : (another aiyo-you're-so-slow look, smacks her forehead and then says... )
D-O-S-T-U!
And then she walks off in a huff.

*Silence follows. And then I burst out laughing.

:)

a bit of outburst.

Never in my life have I been this tired and exhausted, trying to juggle personal life and work all at the same time. So what is dharma, if you need to do both duties at home and at work all at once?

How do I be that dutiful daughter, fulfill work demands, and do sai work all at the same time without getting worn out and burned out?

I think I know the answer. Realising that it is the answer isn't so easy, ironically.

Dear Lord,
Please grant me the courage to carry on and the strength to do all that I have to do without faltering or failing in any one task, at any time.

Going Green with Swami

Monday,11th May 2009.
5.33pm.

I offer myself at the Lotus Feet of my Loving Father, my Loving Baba.

Dearest Swami,
I realized a long time ago that Life is a Teacher.
And I also realized a long time ago, that Teacher is You…You are my Life, Swami.

The Walk For Values Malaysia 2009 – we dared to dream for the stars, only because we knew that You will see us through it.

10th May 2009.
SS3 Basketball Court.

All around me were people in different shades of green. A little girl laughed and ran towards her father. She was dressed like a sunflower, and her face, as radiant as the petals that she carried.

Messages of Love, Peace, Truth, and environmental issues were splashed across placards, sandwich boards, and on the people themselves. I could only see smiles, laughter, and vibrant costumes.

As I sat there, on the floor of the court, soaking all the energy from the Walk For Values 2009 in, I looked up at the majestic trees against the blue sky… for a split second, I could’ve swore I saw You, Swami.

And tears welled up in my eyes. Luckily, I was wearing my shades. My thoughts flew back to the very first Walk For Values meeting we had in SS3, in the beginning of the year. We had a vision – to embark on a journey so powerful that Your message of values remains engrained in one and all, for eternity.

The endless meetings, dead ends, solutions, exhaustion, joy, and love all came rushing back at the same time. It was overwhelming to see so many people, from all walks of life, coming together to Go Green, and spread the message of Your Love through this simple but powerful walk.

The weeks leading up to the walk were the most testing, trying and daunting ones. The last minute changes, the unfinished paper bags, the decoration tasks, and the preparations pushed us to a level we had never gone before.

Yet, despite the tension, the work, and the uncertainty, we smiled and laughed at it all, firmly believing that You will make it happen! When the intention is noble, and the cause is pure, what is there to worry about? We surrendered completely to You, Swami. We pushed ourselves to give You only the best, with firm faith that You will be happy.

If I wish, you can be before Me instantly
If I wish, your life can be changed dramatically
If I wish, you can attain God in no time
But for Me to do that
You first have to melt My heart
Melt it with your devotion
Melt it with your love
Melt it with your selflessness
Melt it with your perseverance
Melt it with your unshakable faith
Once you pull the string to My heart
I run and lodge Myself in yours.

That is our ultimate goal, Swami.It was the only reason that kept us going, even at 3.00am in the morning, with almost no sleep, and massive exhaustion. And we were still standing that morning, at the court. And all I could see was Your Love, spreading from that little basketball court in SS3, to the entire neighbourhood. The shouts of Go Green! , messages of values on Your Messengers of Love… it was pure Love, manifested in the form of this Walk.

Thank you Swami, for giving me such a loving family of brothers and sisters, the Sai Youth of Central Region. The bond that we share is unbreakable, and sealed firmly with Your blessings and Love. There were many times where we felt like almost giving up, but we never did because we knew Your unseen Hand will nudge us the right way.

And in the end, what was the connection between the Nature and Your teachings?

The scriptures (Upanishads and Bhagavad Gita) declare, "All Nature is God" and "The Lord is in all beings". When learning about the sublime secrets of the trees, appreciate the Creator and strive to understand the principles behind creation. Life is a tree. The mutual relationship we cultivate and cherish are symbolized by the branches, twigs and leaves; the thoughts arising in the mind are the flowers; Ananda (Joy) is in the fruit, Dharma is the sweet juice it contains. The tree is held firm by the very roots which fed it...roots that symbolize faith and self-confidence. Nurture the roots well.
-Divine Discourse, February 18, 1980.

We offer this walk at Your Divine Lotus Feet, our beloved Father. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for blessing us with Your Love.

I Love You, Swami. Thank you for lifting us higher than the sky!

A little quickie.

Thursday, 30th April 2009.

12.52pm.

At work, tired, sleepy and hungry. but too lazy to get up and walk out for food. Did you know that Labour Day was initially celebrated for St Joseph the Worker, as a feast? Interesting. I'll find out more and write later.

Another quickie..the WALK FOR VALUES 2009 is coming up next week! Click on the link below to watch the trailer for the WALK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRywCxms9KE&feature=related

I'll update with more information when I'm home , and not so sleepy.