~W.H.I.S.P.E.R.S~: June 2009

Because nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24th June 2009, Tuesday.

11.34 pm.

I met a boy once. He was kind, sweet and good with his words. He struck me as someone who was independent, mature, and loving to an extent. He was intelligent and witty, sarcastic and funny, thoughtful and kind.

He told me, I was his perfect woman. I found that rather hard to believe - but after a while, I wanted to believe it too.

Just as I finally wholeheartedly believed him...he left. He disappeared. He told me, he doesn't feel the same way anymore. It won't work.

So...my question, for a long time, was....why did you even ask me in the first place? I was angry, and then sad, and then hurt, and then angry again. The normal cycle. But for something that never materialised, something that ended before it even begin? Yea..I was. And then, one day, I had a lightbulb moment. Something just snapped inside me, and I stopped feeling all the negativity.

When I look back at it now, I just smile. Its a sad smile. He was a nice guy. But nice guys don't always stay that way, do they? He has a gift, you know. He captures the most beautiful moments of life in the most amazing ways - he can do that. He does that well.

I learnt to appreciate the world around me through him..through that gift. Of course, he doesn't know. Why would he want to in the first place, right? But he was a good friend. And I suppose, in some sad way, I miss that. I don't miss the feelings and emotions that I felt when he was first around, but I miss that friend in him.

Things will never be the same. It can never be. I tried to see if it could, but its rather obvious that it won't..and maybe, its for the best.

I understand that its all part of the circle of life...there must have been some karmic debt that was left unsettled between us. There must have been something for him to teach me. There's always a reason.

The one reason I believe in, is so that I will become a stronger person. It's His way of polishing this diamond, to shine as bright and as true as always.

I wish you all the love, joy and happiness life has to offer. I pray that you achieve all that you have dreamed of, and beyond that. And I will remember, the days we were good friends and just that, because those were the days I would want to cherish, always and always.

God bless you always. May the gift He has blessed you with take you to many places, beyond borders.

When He protects in all ways.

Thursday, 18th June 2009.

11.55am.

So I lost my 'road virginity' when I was 21, in a brief but rather painful accident near the Sunway toll late one evening during rush hour, as I was leaving college for home. Since then, I never had anymore of those. Till Monday.

11.45 pm, Monday 15th June 2009

I've just dropped Haanu off at Desa Petaling, and I'm driving back on the Seremban highway. The turning to Kesas approaches, and I take a left, following the rather huge curving road. There, in front of me I see a taxi reversing (on the freaking highway?), at an alarming speed.

The car in front of me swerves to the left right in my path and slams his breaks. I slowed down rather quickly, honking and cursing (to a certain extent) at the stupidity of some drivers.

And thats when I hear a loud screeching sound from behind, and before I know it the Honda Civic behind me had rammed right into the back of my car. A split second later, I hear glass shattering, and despite wearing a seatbelt, my body jerks in front and hits the steering wheel. The impact of the Honda caused my little blue Kelisa to skid a good distance to the front, nearly (almost, like 2 inches away) hitting right into the divider, beyond which was nothing but a slope.

Then the car stops. I still have my hands on the wheels, and my feet on the brakes. And I'm shaking, too stunned and shocked. Immediately, I hit the hazard lights, take a deep breath, and get down, not really knowing what to expect.

I literally put on a brave front, because I was still quite shocked from that whole 5 second experience,and walk to take a look at the back of the car.

And the damage was nothing like the impact at all! The bumper had fallen, the booth was dented and damaged, and the paint was scraped. And that was it.

I walked to the front, to take a look at the damage there...nothing. But what scared me more was the minimal distance the car was from the divider and the slope. One more nudge and I would have been in that ditch.

The driver in the car behind me gets down, and walks up to me. He's drunk. Before I could say anything, he just says " I'm so sorry. Please bring your car to this workshop tomorrow. I will pay for everything. I'm very sorry."

You should have seen the surprise on my face again.

I sorted things out with him, and drove home slowly to avoid my bumper from hitting the back wheels. And I couldn't help thinking, the impact of that car on mine was definitely capable of causing a hell of a lot more damage than what I saw. How on earth did it turn out to be so minimal?

Then I started to think about so many other possibilities. What if it had been a 'planned' accident? I hear about things like this all the time. What was I thinking getting out of the car on my own like that? What if the car had actually gone down that slope?

I don't know how to explain things like this,but I know that night an unseen Hand was definitely protecting me from something worse.

I make a quick call to Suhu anne, and he tells me to pick him up tomorrow before heading to the workshop.

10.30 am, Tuesday 16th June 2009

"Hello, this is Darshana's brother here. How do we get to this workshop?"

That was Suhu anne talking to the driver of the Honda. When he said that, I couldn't help but smile, feeling this surge of love in my heart.

Today I was reminded once again how lucky I am to have brothers like these guys. Suhu anne and Sai G anne took time off from work just to follow me to the workshop, and sort things out with the driver yesterday.

They spoke to the workshop guys, to the driver, and made sure all the damage was covered. They made sure I had lunch (with all the teasing and irritation about putting on weight), and they stayed throughout the afternoon.

They say that souls are born collectively together life after life, time after time. Sometimes I wonder where this band of brothers came from, and how I found myself bonded to them for life. They tease me, annoy me, irritate me (and this works both ways), but I still love them, regardless.

To my brothers,

When I playfully say I love you, you brush it away, probably annoyed and sometimes embaressed by the open display of affection.
However, please know that I mean it with all my heart, and always will regardless of time.
You've made me laugh, you've made me smile, you've even turn the tears into happiness.
You've shared some thoughts and wise words, also some that were stern and harsh for my own good.
But it's all these that have helped me become all that I am today.
Without your love, and your guidance I would be lost, I'm sure of that.

You are my greatest manifestation of Love from Swami. And I love you all, with all that I have.

From the concourse of Great Eastern Mall.

Friday, 5th June 2009.
6.22 pm.

Its Environment Week, and I'm at a week long Go Green campaign at Great Eastern Mall, Jalan Ampang.

Its surprising how multi tasking has never been something I could do well, and it surprises me even more when I am forced to multi task in times when I have to be at two places at once.

So here I am, sitting at GE Mall at our organisation's booth, talking to shoppers who stop by to enquire about the environment, and at the same time finishing up some urgent work at the office which requires my immediate attention.

Funny how you work better under intense pressure.

Over the past few days, I've met so many different characters, its quite amusing to a certain extent, and also lets you think about human relations and interactions more.

Since I now know so many insurance agents from Great Eastern, thanks to the freelance emceeing I do for their dinners and seminars, I managed to talk a substantial number of them to drop by our booth. Even before I start talking about what we do, they swipe out RM1o and pass it to me, saying its their contribution for the Adopt A Tree campaign. Without asking questions. Needless to say, many of them dropped by and did that just to show support for me, and not really asking much questions about the cause.

I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.

And then, the urban stay-at-home moms, all dolled up for a day out at the mall with their young children. They walk around, but stop and listen attentively at every booth, and even inquire with concern about the condition of water in their homes. One mom actually came back the next day with a water sample from her home so she could do a water test for impurities and discharge from toxic wastes!

Of course, you have the sceptics. The most common statement and remarks I've heard from these guys are " So why are the NGOs doing all the work? What about the Government?"

I refrain to comment. However, as surprising as it may sound, the government does actually do quite a substantial amount of conservation and preservaton of our environment. But that discussion is for another day.

Then there are the GE Insurance Agents who stop by just to see if they can recruit new agents. Funny how the conversation starts off with the state of the environment today, why we end up working with NGOs, and how we should be working for ourselves because then we can earn tons of money. Hmmm.

I have a pretty wide circle of friends in the industry now, and I'm happy to say that once they know I'm not interested, they don't ask again.

Of course, there are the genuinely concerned ones who really want to know what is happening to the world, why climate change is so alarming, and how they can help to restore rivers, wetlands and peatlands. One kind soul even brought back more of her friends just so they could adopt trees in the forest.

Occasionally I get one or two who stop by to ask all about what we do, but after explaining, the conversation is all about how their day was, and how frustrated they are with kids nowadays who care less about elders, environment and manners. I end up listening to them, empathising and thinking....she probably just needed someone to listen for a while.

With that said, it has been one long learning experience. Besides being able to spend time to get to know our interns Mi Ling and Ellie better, I also got to meet new friends from WWF, and the charming host/emcee for the campaign, Amir.

I shall now count the balance I have in my wallet, and pray 730pm arrives sooner than expected.

Over and out.

~W.H.I.S.P.E.R.S~

Because nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

When He protects in all ways.

From the concourse of Great Eastern Mall.

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