Thursday, 30th April 2009.

Monday, 27th April 2009.
11.54pm.

"What is this la, Darshi, hardly see you around nowadays. What are you up to?"

"She's always busy now la, Balan. Ask her la."

That was the conversation between Balan anne, and Amma.

We are at anne's house, it's my niece Shaveena's 6th birthday today. Between Vishal's constant flow of half-made sentences (all of which end with Darshi akka), Priyankka's endless efforts to drag me to her defense against her big brothers Avinesh and Thivesh (who are still bullying her), and Shaveena trying to explain to me how her cake looks like, I just smiled, and looked at Thana anne, only to be greeted by a frown.

" Come here, Darshi."

Uh oh.

I reluctantly get up from the floor and settle down next to Thana anne on the couch. He is my eldest brother, one who has watched me grow from a baby to the young woman I am today. He puts one arm around me, and holds me closer to him.

" Let me tell you a story about my life. I know what it's like to be young, and to be able to do all that you are doing now. There's work, there's your Sai activities and all, there are your friends...but remember, always come home for amma and papa.

I had it all..but I didn't have the time to send my sons to school. I didn't have the time to wake them up in the morning. I didn't have the time to bathe my little princess Priyankka, or feed her breakfast...I didn't have enough time with Yoges..

Time will fly, Darshi. Amma and Papa are old..there are many things I regret now. And the one thing I regret the most, was not making enough time for my family. You won't know what is coming in the future..

Make sure you are around with them. Do whatever you have to do, but don't ever tell your family you don't have the time. It won't come back to you again."

Anne was still holding me. I had my head resting on his shoulder. I listened, trying so hard not to cry thinking of Yoges akka, and then I tilted my head up to look at him.

He had tears in his eyes.

Sunday, 26th April 2009.
12.02 am.

Complicated is too hard to handle. It just means there's too much going on for you. Life is colourful, eventful, and exciting. Many things require your involvement, and heck, you love every bit of it.

But it's too hard for some to handle.

Simple, is straightforward. Its ..boring. Its safe. Its routine. It just is. And that makes it easier to handle.

If it was too complicated, a word (and I mean, frankly, simply put into a WORD) would've simplified a lot of things.

There's no need to continue to complicate things.

Sometimes I feel that my life is ridiculously labelled as difficult and complicated. Screw whoever thinks that way. Lets face it, I am nowhere near simple.

It comes in a package. All of it. The missing piece, however, is yet to arrive.
When it does, then maybe, that emptiness may disappear. Maybe.

And I don't really care less if I am analysed, or generalised. I really don't. So really, don't bother trying.

Saturday, 25th April 2009.
1.06 am.

Venmegham pennagha uruvaanatho,
En neram ennai paarththu villaiyaadutho,
Unnale pala nyabagam, en munnae vanthaaduthae,
oru nenjam thindaduthae..
Vaarthai oru varthai sonnal enna,
Paarvai oru paarvai parthal enna,
Unnale pala nyabagam, en munnae vanthaaduthae,
Oru nenjam thindaduthae..
Venmegham pennagha urvaanatho,
En neram ennai paarththu villaiyaadutho..

Manjal veyil nee, minnal oli nee,
Unnai kandavarai kann kalangha nirkka vaikkum thee,
Pennae yennadi? Unmai solladi…
Oru punnaghaiyil penniname kopa paddathennadi?
Devathai vaalvathu veedu illai koyil,
Kadavulin kaal thadam paarkiraen,
Ondraai irendaai un azhagai paada,
Kan moodi oru oram naan saaikiraen,
Kanneeril aanandham naan kaankiraen,
Unnalae pala nyabagham, En munnae vanthaaduthae,
Oru nenjam thindaduthae..

Enghal manathai kollai adiththaai,
Indha thanthiramum manthiramum yengu sendru padiththaai?
Vizhivasavil valai virithaai, unnai pallakinil thukki sella kaddalaikal vithiththaai,
Un viral pidiththidum varam ondu kidaikka..
Uyirudan vaalkiraen naan adi…en kaadhalum en aagumo..?
…Un paathaththil mann aagumo…

Venmegham pennagha uruvaanatho,
En neram ennai paarththu villaiyaadutho..

Thursday, 23rd April 2009.
12.18 am.

As much as they bully me and tease me, till I feel like I would like to strangle them, or smack them silly..I love them to bits. Without them, life would be ..well, it wouldn't be what it was now - fun, vibrant and full of love.

To my anna's, thank you for teaching me everything that you have. Thank you for being here, for being patient and kind, for being annoying and silly, for being loving and sweet, and for being yourselves.

Thank you for being my big brothers.

I love you all so much! And I mean that, from the bottom of my heart.

Not a brother by birth, but a brother by Right.
My heroes, my brothers,
The bond I have, I will cherish forever
For the Love I have been gifted with,
I am forever greatful for..
I don't need anything else,
For I have all of you
To proudly call my Anna's.
With love, and nothing else,
Because there's just no other word
That sums up what you mean.

Love, always and forever,
The brat :)

For some reason, the dates are not displayed in this new layout.
Wednesday, 22nd April 2009.
7.25am

I would've loved a hot cup of coffee this early in the morning. However, given the frequency of massive headaches I seem to be constantly having, I decided to play safe and have a milo instead.

So I'm sipping out of this milo packet, looking at signboards for directions to my destination today - FRIM, as I'm driving along the LDP. It was relatively easy to find, much to my surprise. I could've slept in a little longer. Sigh.

But nothing beat my morning entrance to FRIM (Forest Research Institute of Malaysia).

I turned right after the traffic light, to be greeted by lush greenery that fringed the tar road heading into the heart of the forest. At that exact moment, an all time favourite started to sing out of the radio - En Iniya Pon Nilave..

What a feeling, yaar!

I was immediately transported into a different world, so unlike the concrete jungle I just drove out of.

"Ninaiviley oru sugam, ta da da ta da.."

I saw a beautiful waterfall, and an old English mansion. Motorcyclists smiled and waved as I drove past, and I in turn, smiled back, happily breathing in the fresh morning air. There were vibrant colours of red, crimson, orange and yellow on one particular tree. Very pretty!

Everywhere, I saw only splashes of green - not the dust coated pale green I see on the trees in the city, but rich, healthy , bright green givers of Life.

The joy of inhaling such clean air. Haaaaaiiiz.

And did I mention how cooling the area is? Its breathtakingly beautiful. Match a scene like this to a song like that from the 70s..and I'm in love with the world ten times over.

Anyway.. I arrived at the Auditorium an hour early for the seminar. ( Forgot to mention what seminar! The presentation on the results from the hydrology and land use study for the Conservation of Biological Diversity Project. Its focus is on Forest Management).

Obviously, I arrived at a totally empty auditorium.

And so, I figured it was an excellent time to pen down my short adrenaline rush, before it slips away into the deep ends of my mind.

=)

When you're mentally tired, its difficult to write. I would love to tell you about the tree planting at Raja Musa Forest Reserve, the new lesson I learnt during Veenai class, my new job, and the things I've learnt for the week.

But the only thought that is in my 'thoughts', right now..sigh.

Love doesn't come easily. When it does, it takes longer to leave. But that's not what love is, is it? What leaves, was never meant to be.

I gave it away, not knowing what lies ahead.
It's still there, and not with me.
My heart, that is.
It's there.

After constantly blogging about matters of the heart, I am now in a position to write something serious. And sadly, found that the creative juices still refuse to flow...maybe I need some coffee.

People of the blogging world, I am pleased to announce that I have begin working at Global Environment, a global environmental ngo which deals with environmental causes in and around Asia Pacific. :)

When the brain starts to work again, I shall come back and share my experiences in re-starting it.