Bundles of joy
Angels sent from heaven
God's gift, smiling fairies
Embodiments of pure Love..
Children..

How helpless I feel reading news reports on missing children, abused children, murdered children...I can't help but ask, why? Where has the very essence of humanity gone to? We are all God's children, are we not? Then why these heinous crimes, these acts of horror, these inhumane lack of compassion?

How can anybody hurt a child? How can anyone even think of harming a baby?

My heart just breaks when I think of these lost souls, these fallen angels. What they did to deserve such disturbingly terrifying deaths..only God knows. Why? If all of life itself was born out of Love, of God's Love...then how did such things emerge?

And yet, despite all that has happened, we still see children walking on their own, to and from school..playing unsupervised in parks, wandering aimlessly, alone. Why, why are we so careless?

The issue of child abuse strikes a chord very close to the heart for me. When I was younger, I was given the opportunity to offer myself to help children who had been abused. I remember, in college, the topic that was used as research in an English class was child sexual abuse. I remember writing argumentative essays on imposing the death penalty for peodophiles and sexual abusers. I could never understand how, and why such people exist on earth. I still don't.

One night i tried to put myself in a child's shoes, on how that child would have felt, being abducted, abused, murdered. Oh God, I just couldn't go any further. I broke down, and cried so much. I cried for the child, and the fate that awaited. I cried for my inability to do anything to help. I cried for the blatantly ignorant that live among us, who do not see the need to be more alert, to protect our children.

Children are just children..they forgive and forget easily, just as easily as they Love..such innocence, such purity should be guarded with our own lives, to protect them from being tarnished in any way.

I still feel helpless, useless at my lack of ability to help, to look, to find those who went missing.

I pray, every day, every night, that God keeps them safe, wherever they are.That He showers them with Love, and protects them from evil, safe in His arms. And I pray, that one day, He will grant me the ability to make a difference.

I decided to go back to school for awhile.. and doodle a little with crayons. Not anything impressive. But hey...its still scribbles.

She sat alone, curled up in a corner of her bed, with a pen and a notebook. A movie, one too deep with meaning to comprehend at this hour, played in front of her eyes.

"All you need is Love..." he sang on screen.

She watched, though not quite watching. She heard, but didn't really listen...there was a noise far louder than that on screen..where was it coming from, really? The harder she tried to find it, the louder and louder it became. But she couldn't figure it out. The source of the noise.

She curled up even further, and shut her eyes. Then, like a burst of lightning, a sudden surge of energy, powerful flow of a swelling river...it filled her entire head. That Noise. That noise was her mind.

In that darkness, her thoughts ran wild, untamed, unmanaged, unruly, uncensored. The days of her life replayed, again and again. How empty life seemed to her..today, tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that.

The thoughts brought her back to the past, and she drowned in the fury of it all..it played in her mind like snapshots from a movie, in chronological order? No. Randomly. Memories...ones to cherish, ones to forget...some that hurt, some that saddened..some that angered.

So many mistakes, yet so many lessons learnt. So much pain, so much tears. And laughter? And happiness, and all that's nice? Yeah..that too.

And what now? The pen still in her hand, as still as ever. The notebook, opened to a fresh page, as crisp and white as snow.

The noise overwhelmed her. She started scribbling, with a determination that scared even herself.
What did her life represent? What was her purpose, her direction, her destiny?

The pen took a life of its own..

You are your priority. Love, live and learn.
Don't be afraid to fall.
Don't be afraid to cry.
But most of all...don't be afraid to fly..
The noise...will cease to exist once you Surrender your all..
Time and time again...this too shall come to pass.
Nothing lasts forever, baby.
So smile..
Sunny skies await..
After all..the world didn't die on you.
Seriously...don't take life so seriously.
So come what may...feel the gift of Life pulsing through you.
And be grateful ..
Cherish every moment..cherish every person...but most of all..cherish you for yourself, as you are. Always.

I read this line once. It says " Don't make someone the priority in your life, if you're just an option in theirs." Or something like that..

The point is very clear,regardless of how the words are placed. It's an interesting sentence, don't you think?

It makes me wonder...am I a priority, or just an option? Somehow, I have a hunch its the latter.

Before I begin, I would like to recommend everyone who feels they need a big break from the hectic, logical, mundane, routine life they seem to lead to take that much needed break, and snuggle in bed with a good book. It doesn't really need to be a book that makes sense, or challenges your intellectual juices..sometimes I find that perfectly illogical chick flicks and stories make for a good read. Try looking up this one - Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, by Helen Fielding.

Okay...reading has filled most of my time for the past few weeks. I had a chance to browse through one of APJ Abdul Kalam's fabulous writings, and this one was a collection of simple, powerful quotes. Some made me do a double take, and reflect on many things that are happening in my life at the moment. Yet again, I wish to share these uplifting quotes with all of you. Rest assured that they will make a difference on your outlooks on life, if not coax you to re-look and re-examine certain beliefs.Hopefully :)


" What would you like to be remembered for? You have to evolve yourself and shape your life. You should write it on a page and that maybe a very important page in the book of human history."

"Encourage all children to dream for themselves. Unless they have dreams, they will not be motivated to attain them."

"It is not a disgrace to not reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for."

"Dream, dream, dream. Your dreams will transform into thoughts. Thoughts lead to honest work. Work will result in actions, and you will succeed."

"Success is possible only when we have a commitment to action."

"With determined efforts, you can always succeed against established beliefs."

"Thinking is progress. Non-thinking is destruction. Thinking leads to action."

"Education and values imparted in childhood are more important than the education received in college and university."

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."

"Science is all about asking questions and finding the right answers through hard work and research into laws of nature."

"Music is a great communicator and language can never be a barrier."

"Keep asking questions until you get satisfactory answers."

"Transformation is an outcome of a farsighted vision, innovative mind and guiding spirit."

"Each one of us on this planet creates a page in human history irrespective of who he or she is. I realise my experience is a small dot in human history, but that dot has a life and light."

"Mera pehla pyaar...haiiii...."

kaho na pyaar hai...the movie hrithik roshan made his debut. and he was the most hottest thing on planet earth when he arrived. (OH YEAH). now back then, this movie was everything a 15 year old like me would dream and dream might happen one day. well, maybe not everything, but most certainly the part where the gorgeous guy comes and sweeps you off your feet, fights for you, and thinks you are the most precious gift on earth...i guess in a way, movies gave us the wrong impressions of what Love was really like. the music, the expressions,and the stories..all of them. it was too good to be true, most of the time, BUT we still loved them, and still hoped that someday, that Prince Charming, Mr. Right, whatever you may call him would just fall right into your path.

looking back at how naive i was then, and watching this movie again now...i was amazed at how i allowed myself to be duped by the illogical storyline, and the obviously silly character that the heroine of the movie plays - the rich, childish, absolutely oblivious to the real world character.

it makes for a good watch, if escaping into the unreal is something that appeals to you. maybe its because i grew up here in malaysia, i am able to differentiate to a certain extent what is real and what isn't. but if i was brought up in a lower/middle class indian family residing in india...then yes, whatever happens in the movies to me,would be the ideal life i would want to have. yes, including the drama, the action, and the countless songs.

i must admit, i love the songs. music in indian movies is one of the most important ingredients to the secured success of it..the scores written have a way of pulling at your heartstrings, sometimes moving you to tears, if you understand the language. some may make you smile, just watching the song...how amazingly well they potray the meaning of the song in their actions, and expressions...and i don't mean this sarcastically. try you-tubing any hindi movie song...watch the emotions that the actors potray, and you must admit, its not easy.

unlike other film industries...i have a personal opinion that being an indian actor requires so much more patience. in one single film,there will be comedy, drama, action, love, tragedy...a multi-genre film. how much can you do in one film? watch a hindi or tamil movie, you will understand.

the masala of the movies is the main reason for their blockbuster statuses...i mean, how can you not love movies like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,Kal Ho Na Ho, Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham, Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna? despite the fact that they are all shahrukh movies (heehee), the movies actually have subtle messages about love, life, family, culture, tradition and values.

i guess the one movie that will always remain a favourite is Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. she falls in love with her best friend, only to find out he loves someone else...to watch her cry in devastation, the heartbreak,the pain...we feel it too somehow. if you dont shed a tear when shahrukh or kajol cries in these scenes, something is so wrong with you! and years later,they meet again..story changes, he is widowed with a child,she is about to be married. love is rekindled under the clever manouvering of his daughter and mother, and yes...its a happy ending.

there are a lot of movies nowadays that are really worth a watch because of their content,and story alone. i'll give you examples - epics like devdas, jodha akhbar, contemporary movies like the recent taare zameen par (which deals with a young boy struggling with dyslexia), black(about a woman who is deaf, dumb and blind, and how an older teacher puts everything on the line to educate her),chakde india (about the formation of India's women's hockey team) ta ra rum pum (about a family that becomes bankrupt, and how the parents create a world full of love and happiness, despite the state they are in)...really, worth watching.

but enough said...at the end of it all,it is definitely a joy to unwind and relax after a long tiring week with my first love. especially with the way he looks now. i tell you, the man has aged with such grace and dangerously dangerous seduction,i am ... speechless. watch the Dard-e-Disco video clip (youtube it), and you will understand what i mean. SERIOUSLY.

yes, i know im back again a bit too soon...but bear with me on this one. i actually took some time off the Lead Poisoining in Children assignment i am currently struggling to complete to browse some of the blogs of my friends. on Choo's blog (please see my links if you would like to read hers), there was an insightful and very uplifting blog about life's lessons. simple, inspiring, and struck many chords..

so i'm being nice, and i am going to share this with you..hopefully, you may be uplifted, as i was.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present (so true....)

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it (again.....very true...)

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (haha i think it pertains to women....not sure about men)

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive, if someone is sorry and remorseful.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family & friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. (very, VERY true....)

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back .

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44 . Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

more rantings of uncertainties, and lost thoughts that float in and out of the invisible mind. you know how we all have over 500 contacts on friendster, facebook and our mobile phones, yet when its just that time when you need to talk to someone, you cant really call anyone?

whats the point then, of having so many acquaintances? networking, maybe? hmm.

silence has taught me a lot of things. first of all, i get to witness the world as it passes by, and not play much of a role in things that happen. i listen more than i talk, and that allows me to interpret incidences, and reflect on them more. it also made me realise that some sounds are so profound, i never bothered listening to them before i stopped talking.

like right now..i hear the clicking of the keys on the keyboard as im typing the words in my head onto the screen..i also hear birds chirping outside my window, and the sound of my ceiling fan rotating above me. of course, the occasional sound of a car locking and unlocking downstairs. last night, it was the sound of the rain splashing against my window, and splattering down hard on the sunroof out on the balcony..

yet, despite all these sounds from outside, it dawned on me that the noisiest of them all was in fact...my mind. i lay awake in bed the entire night, trying to fall asleep, unsuccessfully of course. thousands of thoughts were whizzing in my head, and i could literally see events unfolding, like a screen only visible to me. how do we stop thinking, really?

i received an sms telling me to stop thinking so much, and try to sleep..what could i reply to that? i just promised that i would try harder. a failed attempt, to come to think of it.

and theres still the book i bought from parthi..Master the Mind, and be a Mastermind..which i havent picked up to read yet. i guess its true how we read what we need when we really need to...God has this amazing way of giving us what we need, when we need it. sometimes, its not necessarily something that we want. hmm.

is it because life is filled with too many unanswered hopes and expectations? of course, the equation is not something new - we hope, we expect; if not met, we are disappointed. naturally of course. so here's a thought to ponder upon :

"You must have not only freedom from fear, but freedom from hope and expectation."

powerful stuff ha.

this is a poem that i read in Life is a Dream, Realise It.. i thought it may be nice to share this with all of you as well. at least, those who read this page of blabber and gibberish :)

Lord,
Let me see myself
as You see me;
Let me know myself
as You know me;
Let me understand myself
as You understand me;
Let me love myself
as You love me;
Let me be patient with myself
as You are patient with me;
Let me be gentle with myself
as You are gentle with me;
Let me have compassion with myself
as You have compassion with me;
Let me forgive myself
as You forgive me;
Thank You, Lord, for the wonder of Myself.

-Annonymous

and with that..i leave you to your own minds, filled with blotches and bother..to be sorted out, with time and time.

its about time i wrote something in here..one month!

one thing that i would like to highlight in the past month - the One Life Revolution exhibition. Organised by World Vision, the exhibition aims to create awareness among Malaysians about HIV/AIDS and child trafficking. what's amazing about this exhibition is that the whole set up is built like a maze, where you literally walk in the shoes of a child that is suffering with HIV somewhere in the region. you live the child's life, with the aid of a audio and props that have been set to re-create the child's life. its a moving experience, and believe me, its hard not to shed some tears.

the event was launched in Monash University, and was later held at MidValley during the recent education fair. this is the first time its in Malaysia, and has already made its debut in various other countries, including the US.

i decided to volunteer for this event, and it was such a learning experience. what struck me as a strange coincidence was the fact that i had recently attended the UNICEF Youth Forum at the 1st Malaysian AIDS Conference last year, and am now getting involved in an awareness project for young teens on HIV/AIDs and teenage pregnancy. i guess this came along at the right time as well, providing another learning curve for me.

so here's a picture of the volunteers at midvalley last weekend. i did send out smses and ask loads of people to visit...not sure if anyone did, but hey, if you missed it..read about it. im adding the links that may be of use if you are looking for extra information on World Vision and the One Life Revolution.