~Thoughts and Travels~: My First Divine Darshan

I wrote this in 2007, after my first ever darshan with my Swami.

June 2007

There were always instances in life when I questioned and asked myself when Swami will think I am ready to see Him, in physical form. Years passed, many went and returned with so much to tell, and so much to share..and yet, my chance had not come.

At last, after 22 years of my life, I was finally granted the opportunity to see my Lord with my own two eyes. No one can set foot in Puttaparthi without Swami's will, and I knew there was a reason I was called by Him during the World Youth Conference this year (2007). He has plans for me, and my only task is to surrender, and have faith in all that He has planned for me.

Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi.

The moment I set foot on the soil of Puttaparthi, I knew, I was home at last.

It is heaven on Earth. God's garden, full of His flowers, His children, and His manifestation. Peace is one word to describe my first experience of Prasanthi. We, the Malaysian delegates for the World Youth Conference, arrived at 12am, 22nd July 2007. Prasanthi was asleep, all still and silent in the late hours of the night.

Tired from the long journey from Chennai to Puttaparthi, all one could do was shower and collapse on the bed. Thanking Swami, for finally bringing me to His lotus feet, for calling me here, to Him, to see Him, I fell fast asleep eagerly awaiting my first meeting with Swami.

Morning darshan was at 9am. By 4am, all of us were up and standing in line an hour later.

Sai Kulwant Hall.

A magnificent mandir that just radiates Love. The energy and Shakti that surrounds the mandir is so overwhelming, that when I walked in for the first time, I was taken aback. Was I really here? This is really it, this is where Swami is, in physical form. All my life I have yearned to see my Lord, and now...He has finally graced me with that chance. An indescribable feeling of familiarity filled my heart, and I truly felt that I was finally home.

The sound of bhajans in the mandir moved many to tears. It was a powerful, and blissful bhajan. At 930am, bhajans concluded, and we filed out of the hall in silence. Swami did not come for morning darshan.

Surprisingly, I was not disappointed. The bhajans was completely filled with Love for Swami and vibrations of His unseen presence...I felt Him there, even thought He wasn’t there physically.

Finally, the time came that afternoon...the time for me to meet my Lord for the first time, the first time in physical form. I was seated opposite the verandah, close to the front area of the mandir. All of a sudden, the muffled sounds of chit chat ceased into pin drop silence. The doors opened from the side, the lights of the mandir shone every so brightly and beautiful flute music begin to play. Vedic chanting commenced and the bells of Puttaparthi rang loud and clear. I turned, my hands clasped together in prayer..

and there He was.

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

my Swami...

my Baba...

The chair He was seated on gracefully glided into the mandir, almost as if it was floating. Swami looked so beautiful, radiating with so much Love, so much peace. There was that smile on Swami's face, the smile many are so familiar with.

I saw my Lord for the very first time...tears spilled like cascading waterfalls from my eyes, and I felt my heart yearning for Swami, full of Love, pure love only for Him. I saw Him, in His bright orange robe, His mass of dark hair, His beautiful Lotus Feet and His hands placed so gracefully on the arm rests.

He turned, and He smiled...

"Swami....." my heart cried, filled with Love, all for Him.

He raised His hands in blessings.

The very embodiment of pure Love. Love, love, love... only Love.

Swami turned, and headed to the other side of the hall. At one point, I thought He would leave.

"Don't go Swami...." I cried silently.

To my joy, He turned again towards us, the women. We were graced with his darshan once again. Instantly I felt like a Gopika, yearning for Krishna with all my heart. Tears flowed freely, my hands still held in prayer, and my eyes fixed on my Swami.

I spoke to Him, freely, completely, totally...and prayed that He gives me what I need. He knows what I need, and I only need what He wants me to have. My love for Swami has never been something I could put into words. It was only then, when I saw Him, that I knew how much I love my Swami. How much I love my Baba...

How much I want to do everything for You, Swami..to give my life in service to You, to be an instrument for Your work.

That one blissful meeting with Swami left me with happiness that nothing can ever replace. I thought that was more than enough, but our dear Swami gave me more than just a taste of His sweetness to remember forever.

Swami graced us with His presence while bhajans was going on. I will never forget the bliss, the joy to be in His physical presence during bhajans. I vividly remember Swami seated, His eyes closed and hands in the air, immersed in the energy and Love from the bhajans. A song that can completely describe my feelings at that very moment was sung, as if on cue from Swami ..

I keep feeling Your Love in me, Over and over again,

It gets sweeter and sweeter as the days go by,

Oh what a Love between my Lord and I,

My Sai and I, My Sai and I,

My Sai and I, My Sai and I.

Arathi was taken outside the mandir, for all to see and bask in the glory of the Lord. To receive blessings and Love, and Swami’s continuous darshan is indeed the most precious gift of Life.

I have been blessed, to receive divine darshan, from the Divine Himself.

~ * ~

It is so difficult to pen the words etched in my heart for my Swami right now. Yet, I feel the need to express something. I'll definitely write something soon...when I can.

This is my first darshan experience, in 2007. After 2007, the only other darshan of Swami I was blessed with was two months ago in February during the Chinese New Year country yathra. Even then, in the five days I spent in Puttaparthi, Swami only gave me 5 minutes of His sight. I remember crying, pleading, begging Swami to come so badly.

And He did. Just for that five minutes. I will always be grateful for that final darshan. Truly, I am blessed.

I love you so very much, my Swami..

Thank you for always being my Best Friend, my Father, Mother, my guiding light, my guardian and protector, my Everything...You are the ONLY constant in my constantly changing life. I cannot express the anguish that I felt when You decided to ascend to the Heavens above. I thought I was strong, but just like all Your children, I too feel the pain of being physically separated from You. Please, always bless me with the ability to see You, feel You and serve You in All. Live in my Heart, Swami, never leave me.

My life will be Your Message. I will strive to become the Brightest shining star, only for You, my Baba.

Jai Sai Ram.