Bless me, Swami, as I struggle to find my way in this difficult time where You have suddenly decided to back away into the distance.
It is very disturbing to come into an office where colleagues shove news of your health conditions in my face. I haven't read today's article on You (heck, You made the front cover of The Star) and I don't plan on reading it either.
My fluctuating level of devotion and disbelief right now is rather alarming. I am surprising even myself at the rate it fluctuates. One day, I am completely convinced You are right here with me, and then the other, I shiver at the thought of not having You with me. Forgive me, Swami, for this mind wanders, unstable and untamed, as it always is.
I understand the pressing need for me to watch the mind, especially now. I'm almost certain I might go completely mad if I do not. So what should I do, Swami? I ask You this question, again and again. I feel like You are trying to give me the answer, but I'm just not listening.
I have blamed and thanked You for everything that has occurred in the past year which has left me completely baffled. My inability to comprehend the 'unfairness', and my disbelief at how things are is what bothers me, day and night. I tried the one-day-at-a-time method, it works sometimes and at others it fails miserably.
I keep telling myself the only thing I need is You, nothing but You, only You. I think that is very true...all I need is You, Swami. Never mind how life turns out, I need to believe that You are here. I believe, Swami. It's so ironic how such a dramatic event has to occur, just when I need answers from You the most. I still don't understand what You need me to do, but I know in the end it's only You that matters. Regardless of what You bring my way.
My dearest, sweetest, Swami..
Please tell me what I can do for You. I will accept anything You give me for my own highest good. You are the only constant in my life, and I know, You know, when I speak to You. Help me feel You, at all times, where ever I may be. You are all I need, Swami.
The last time I wrote about You, I spoke about the experience in meditation after bhajans. You are the world, Swami and the world is You. You are also the world to me. Like the thousands of other people all around the world, I'm done guessing at what I should be doing or how I should be praying. Here's what I can promise You instead.
For my own selfish reasons, I need You, Swami. I always will, there will never be a day where I will not need my Sai. My only prayer, will be that You use my prayer for whatever You think will best benefit from it. You are God, Swami...I know, healing Yourself is not a problem. For some reason, You are not doing it...I won't try to guess or figure out what that reason is. Do as You wish, You're the Boss.
Just promise me, Swami...that You will always, always, always be my Swami.
With all my Love,
Your daughter.
It is very disturbing to come into an office where colleagues shove news of your health conditions in my face. I haven't read today's article on You (heck, You made the front cover of The Star) and I don't plan on reading it either.
My fluctuating level of devotion and disbelief right now is rather alarming. I am surprising even myself at the rate it fluctuates. One day, I am completely convinced You are right here with me, and then the other, I shiver at the thought of not having You with me. Forgive me, Swami, for this mind wanders, unstable and untamed, as it always is.
I understand the pressing need for me to watch the mind, especially now. I'm almost certain I might go completely mad if I do not. So what should I do, Swami? I ask You this question, again and again. I feel like You are trying to give me the answer, but I'm just not listening.
I have blamed and thanked You for everything that has occurred in the past year which has left me completely baffled. My inability to comprehend the 'unfairness', and my disbelief at how things are is what bothers me, day and night. I tried the one-day-at-a-time method, it works sometimes and at others it fails miserably.
I keep telling myself the only thing I need is You, nothing but You, only You. I think that is very true...all I need is You, Swami. Never mind how life turns out, I need to believe that You are here. I believe, Swami. It's so ironic how such a dramatic event has to occur, just when I need answers from You the most. I still don't understand what You need me to do, but I know in the end it's only You that matters. Regardless of what You bring my way.
My dearest, sweetest, Swami..
Please tell me what I can do for You. I will accept anything You give me for my own highest good. You are the only constant in my life, and I know, You know, when I speak to You. Help me feel You, at all times, where ever I may be. You are all I need, Swami.
The last time I wrote about You, I spoke about the experience in meditation after bhajans. You are the world, Swami and the world is You. You are also the world to me. Like the thousands of other people all around the world, I'm done guessing at what I should be doing or how I should be praying. Here's what I can promise You instead.
For my own selfish reasons, I need You, Swami. I always will, there will never be a day where I will not need my Sai. My only prayer, will be that You use my prayer for whatever You think will best benefit from it. You are God, Swami...I know, healing Yourself is not a problem. For some reason, You are not doing it...I won't try to guess or figure out what that reason is. Do as You wish, You're the Boss.
Just promise me, Swami...that You will always, always, always be my Swami.
With all my Love,
Your daughter.
0 comments:
Post a Comment